So, I can already hear my husband's voice, Grumbling, "Grumble Grumble Grumble... God... Grumble Grumble Grumble...Church... Grumble Grumble Grumble...Prayer..." And I have to admit, until today, I had no clear understanding about the role of prayer in faith and it bothered me. The lesson about prayer is one of those rare moments, kind of like a light going on in the mind.
My walk in the labyrinth today is playing in my head as I write this, a bit like a theatrical trailer, overlaid with ideas and text. The earthly browns of the labyrinth and the pattern are etched there, each step meaningful and directed. It was an unfocused meditation for me, a pattern for direction, but of what exact direction, I did not meditate on. I just went through the labyrinth with a feeling of hope and purpose. My purpose, to reach the center and possibly the clarity of it all, then return a bit refreshed. Father Lance had directed us that the labyrinth was a path to Christ, with all it's turning away and turning toward and finally reaching then bringing him back out into the world. I suppose sometimes I hear things and they don't quite sink in... or maybe they filter through my sleep deprived ears into something different. I can't say for sure, but entering the labyrinth, I had no expectations. I didn't really expect any enlightenment or satisfaction in the walk, just a bit of calm. I certainly didn't notice anything other than myself, the path, and the others walking it with me. The beauty of it all was that at times, during the walk, there was a brief meeting with another person, then they continued on their path. Everyone on the labyrinth at the time would briefly brush past one another and then return to their personal mission. Every step on the path was different, every foot walking it with a different idea or expectation... or lack there of. I truly didn't expect to come away with an enlightenment, and it really didn't "hit" until now... 4am. I believe in the power of dreams. Sleeping on something, for me, often helps a lot. I feel that our mind, if nothing else is going on, works through problems, and some are easier than others. Though there are tons of problems in my life, as any life on this earth, I have had issue with the idea of prayer. I can't say I have fondly viewed prayer as a practice of love. I felt that people just sitting in a state of (perceived) inaction couldn't possibly produce any sort of useful outcome. Until confirmation class today, prayer sounded like a child trying to get out of having to work for their rewards, hoping that someone would just hand them the candy and let them eat it too. Despite the fact that many people I respect and look up to practice prayer daily, I couldn't shake the idea. Today I had my view of prayer completely and totally altered. I may be all wrong about this, but from what I learned today, prayer sounds like a daily reminder of what one wishes would happen in the world. It also feels like a reminder that despite all our attempts at order, we are not in control of everything. It looks so different than I thought it did. I suppose being reminded every day that there is something out there, so much bigger than ourselves, keeps us humbled and focused on the fact that we should do nothing without love. That is what prayer has come to mean to me today.
Father Lance shared something with the class today that was only a seed today, but has grown into a profound idea. I should remember the story better, but what I came away with was,"We are God's Prayers." I am supremely blessed to be given the opportunity and joy of watching a new prayer grow, and have been given the duty to care for that prayer through the remainder of my life. It is a very rare and beautiful thing to watch the wonder and exploration of my dear son, and now to view it as a precious prayer of God. I suppose I have to thank the prayer that brought it to me. Thank you, Father Lance, for this new perspective on life.
